When you’re out on a couple-hundred mile snowmobile trail ride or a long stretch of playing in the powder out West, nothing is more irritating than having a friend pull out a snack and realizing that you forgot to bring anything for yourself. Again. You stare longingly at his snack while making small talk, trying to decide whether (a) you should gently request a bit of what he’s eating or (b) you should strangle him with your spare drive belt, take his food and ditch his body behind a tree. We all know there are plenty of places to hide a body in remote snowmobiling destinations, so option (b) gets increasingly interesting as he mocks you with a “did you forget to bring something for yourself again?” sort of taunt.
(1) Jerky – Some on our staff wanted to narrow this down to beef jerky, but there’s no reason to be so limiting. Just this year at Rode Reports, we snacked on buffalo jerky on Monday, turkey jerky on Tuesday, beef jerky on Wednesday then back to buffalo on Thursday while out looking for sasquatch. No, this message is not sponsored by Jack Link’s, but if they wanted to be our official jerky supplier, that would save us a ton of money at convenience stores. Plus, associate editor Tom Kaiser kind of looks like sasquatch…
(2) Chocolate-based candy bar – A mostly-frozen Snickers bar is a joy to pull out of the backpack on a cold winter day. Yes, it really satisfies (hey, there’s another sponsorship package available here – quick, somebody find out who the marketing schmuck is at Mars Incorporated). But when we brought up the Snickers option around here, suddenly one staffer wanted to replace it with Rolos, also very good when cold. Score and Heath bars were mentioned next, followed by 3Musketeers (which, personally, I think are only good frozen – I never liked them at room temperature and would always trade them when they ended up in my Halloween bag). Either way, visit the candy counter when you stop for the two “ines” (gasoline and caffeine) on the way to your favorite snowmobiling destination.
(3) Leftover Pizza – We’re not kidding here. That same great taste that made cold pizza so appealing when you were in college or living on your own (in other words, before you became “domesticated”) is still there.
(4) Protein bars – Crunchy peanut butter Clif Bars, Power Bars, Zone Perfect bars, Now Energy bars or our new personal favorite – the regionally distributed Tram and Grizzly bars from Wyoming-based Kate’s Real Food — are a great way to get a good-tasting burst of energy that really does fill you up. At about $3+ a crack, they don’t come cheap. Penny pinchers may want to opt for the breakfast cereal bars or chewy granola bars.
(5) Pre-made Sandwiches – Take a cue from the kids’ soccer practice and field trips and pack some pre-made sandwiches on your next trip. We fell in love with the Smuckers Uncrustables on some ATV riding trips last summer, and found they are really good cold, too. They pack easily and, for some reason, taste really good when you’re far from home or beside a trail, despite being boring as hell when you eat one at home – the way White Castle sliders taste great at bar closing time, but horrible when you’re sober. Hey, there’s another marketing possibly: “Try Uncrustables — the trailside sliders.”
Trailside snacks -peanut bars (any brand), dried fruit (raisins, mixed fruit, etc.), minature candy bars (Snickers is my favorite here), granola bars (the Quaker Baked Apple ones I really like are apparently now out of production – damn), and the most important of all – plenty of nice fresh cold water to wash it down with.